DAY ONE: AFTERNOON (IV) – Intro…

“WELCOME BACK! This is the last session of the day, so if you have any questions for today, now is the time. Ok. Let’s welcome back, MAGNES JACK.”

MAGNES JACK: Thank you. Ok. The last session of the day, let’s make it a good one.

Actually, before we begin, I’d just like to say a few words around structure, as I was speaking with someone at lunch, and they were saying how they often did well, for a while, but found it hard to remain consistent in their process of change.

Essentially, this comes down to structure in the sense of making this part of your life. I know some people use journals for example, and I would recommend that if you don’t already, you do use a journal to support this process.

Now, straight away, I imagine there will be some thinking, “Oh, journals – it was too much like hard work; anyway I keep forgetting.” And so on.

But the point is not the journal, as such, but that you are serious about having fun in life.

If you are serious about having fun, then a journal is a simple and superb way to keep on track about what you are learning, and what new steps you might take, and what patterns you have noticed etc.

If you did find yourself falling into a knee-jerk reaction over the mention of the word “journal”, then what could you do?

You could simply be amused at your knee-jerk reaction and ask yourself, “How can I make journaling a lot of fun for me?”

And I would truly recommend it as a daily activity.

Ok. That’s all I have to say on that.

DAY ONE: AFTERNOON (III) – Helen

MAGNES JACK: Something I’d like to mention here is about the whole attitude, which comes from feeling the fun and doing it your way.

You see, whenever we are stuck in a pattern, it tends to be a little serious. Fun comes from fluidity.

But how do we see that we are stuck? Well, I think it’s a fair assumption that most of the time, we do respond in a patterned way, and I’m not saying that’s bad, I’m saying that with respect to learning and achieving the kinds of dreams you have, then you can have more fun if you have a flexible approach.

What tends to happen is that we resist such flexibility and really don’t want to give up our usual way of doing things.

We are stubborn as hell.

The quickest way that I’ve found to shift this mood into something more useful is simply to find it funny.

It can be hilarious, to me, that I should react the same way every time to a particular stimulus, whether that be a comment from a friend, or a situation that has come about, or a certain kind of challenge. This is funny!

In fact, unless we laugh, we may well start to cry, because of the sadness of it. So given a choice, we laugh. Now, I will admit, that sometimes I cry first and then laugh. [Laughs] But, that’s me.

It’s important to realise that we are laughing at the fact that we are basing our actions on only one version of events which we are acting as if were true. And this is never the case. They are always, many ways to see and feel around a situation. And dong so, will provide you with many more possibilities than the same-old, same-old.

So when you find yourself stuck, just allow a little smile to make it’s way across your face. And let that smile turn into amusement.

Now this will change you life. [Laughs]

Helen: Hi Magnes, that sounds too simple. [Laughs]

MAGNES JACK: I know. [Laughing]

Mind you, it is so simple that I will be surprised to find anyone doing it.

Our knee-jerk response to what appears to be simple is to write it off. “That’s just too simple, it’ll never work.” And often we won’t even try it!

But, we can, if we wish, use this precise approach on itself. By looking at our knee-jerk rejection of this, we can look at that itself, and find it funny that we should write something off so quickly, without even giving it a go. It is hilarious, in fact, that we are so willing to reject the very thing that would help us, just because we don’t “see it” initially.

And yet, as has been pointed out, initially we only “see” what we want to “see”, so we really cannot take this as being the only “take” on things. Otherwise, we lock ourselves back inside the prison of our little bubble.

Helen: I see. I was certainly in danger of writing it off. But I shall endeavour to give it a go today, and see what I can learn from the experience.

MAGNES JACK: Helen, that’s wonderful. That is all I ever ask. That we try these things out and see if they work for us. If they don’t then fine.

It remains a truism that some of the most powerful things, in terms of personal change, are so simple that we just push them to one side.

I mean if you think of all the self-help books you have read, and a lot of them are fine, they have got good stuff in there, but how much have you actually applied?

Why is that? Is it because we don’t want to change? But we bought the book didn’t we? I mean, surely, we wanted to change. Ah, but the idea of change and the reality of change are two different beasts. One is lovely, the other is terrifying. [Laughs]

So, we put the book away, and rationalise it’s suggestions as “Not quite what we were looking for.” You see, most of us are looking for a kind of change that doesn’t exist; a kind of change that requires little or no effort on our part.

Change is difficult. There is no getting around it. BUT…this is no reason why it can’t be fun! That is my central message, and if you leave with nothing else, leave with that.

It is our desire to have easy change or short-cut change that keeps us on the roundabout of self-help. Unlike the X-files, the truth is not “out there”, it is “in here”.

So to begin, we need to accept this basic fact: change is difficult.

I know that many books and trainers try to convince us otherwise, but the evidence is clear for all to see.

But, just because it’s difficult, doesn’t mean…

[audience members] …it can’t be fun!

MAGNES JACK: Precisely! Thank you. [Laughing]

There are many things in life, which are difficult and fun. In fact, the more difficult they are, the more fun they can be. But our desire for easy change means we give up far too easily.

As a result, novels aren’t written, courses aren’t created, songs are not sung, relationships never occur, businesses stay as ideas…and on and on.

This is not to say that every idea will be successful, but it will be successful in that you will learn from it.

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“OK, everyone. It’s time for an afternoon break. If you could be back in twenty minutes. Thank you.”

DAY ONE: AFTERNOON (III) – Fundamental/Various

MAGNES JACK: I’d just like to spend a few minutes on a very fundamental rule when it’s comes to having fun.

Let me ask you this:

How do you see yourself today,
as compared to yesterday?

Anyone like to share?

Julian: Well, I actually feel a great deal different today than yesterday. I feel a lot lighter somehow. Had you asked me this yesterday, I would have said, “Pretty much the same.”

MAGNES JACK: Thank you Julian, and why would that have been?

Julian: I don’t know. I just don’t feel I’ve changed within myself much for a long time.

MAGNES JACK: And would you like to?

Julian: Sure! That is one of the reasons for me being here.

MAGNES JACK: Ok. So is it more that you’re not sure how to go about it, or that you do, but somehow manage to get in your own way.

Julian: I think it’s knowing the “how”. If I knew how, then at least I could have something to work with.

MAGNES JACK: Great. Well put. So, Julian has made a very good point there, about knowing the how. So let’s look at that directly. Because when we talk about change, we are really talking about a change in our perception of ourselves – that is all that ever really changes.

So, here’s the question:

“What kind of things bring about
a change in how we see ourselves?”

Anyone?

Mary: For me, it’s when I achieve something really significant.

MAGNES JACK: Yes, that can really have an impact. Anything else?

Joe: Sometimes it can be something as small as a comment that someone makes which really changes the way you see yourself.

MAGNES JACK: Thank Joe. Would you have an example?

Joe: Oh, like my English teacher. Out of nowhere he said, “Joe, you have a first class imagination.” And I was stunned. Something just changed within me from that moment on.

MAGNES JACK: Great! I love that: “I was stunned.” When someone we admire tells us something like that which has the force of truth in it, our bubble undergoes a re-configuration. Somehow, it needs to slot in “first class imagination” in there; which will have quite an impact and ripple effect on everything else too!

Thanks Joe. That’s the power of words.

Anything else?

Karen: For me, I get to the point where I just have to change. I have no choice if you like. The prospect of not changing is just too horrible, so I force myself to.

MAGNES JACK: Great point. Yes! Like the story of the man on the bike. Lovely! Anything else?

Jim: When I think of things that have really shifted stuff for me, it has been seeing things that literally shock my world. Travel, for instance, can certainly broaden the mind. Seeing a new invention even can create a sense of possibility that wasn’t there before.

On the other hand, this can be negative, if say something bad happens in a particular situation then I tend to associate those things together, so I can learn new patterns very easily, if they really stand out.

MAGNES JACK: Thanks Jim. And a good point about the negative too. Change works both ways.

Ok. Thanks you for the examples. What I wanted to illustrate is that at a fundamental level, change comes about by our experience of the NEW.

I like to think of it as the Land of the New. And when we travel to that land, it is unknown, and the therefore a great deal of fear comes up. Also, the further we travel into the Land of the New, the more significant is the experience, and the most affecting it is on how we see ourselves.

Now, I’m not suggesting we all go and do this, but it was very interesting watching a documentary recently about an English lady spending a month in a tribe which has had very little contact with the outside world. These people came back utterly changed by the experience. Everyone around them having such a radically different view of things, a different bubble, and so in time, her’s began to crack and let in a new kind of light. It was very heart-warming actually. This one tribal elder was quite interested in this new lady, but she just “saw” him as very sweet, but not her type in a hundred and one ways. But by the end of her time, he was deeply in her heart, and although in her head, she had to go, she took much of the tribal feeling with her.

So we have this basic rule, or observation, that to change how we see ourselves (which is what change is all about) we require new experiences and the stranger the better, in terms of the impact.

If we are going to expose ourselves to new experiences then we either sit on our arse and wait for them to knock on the door, and so they will, although the knocks get less when the door isn’t answered; or, we go seeking for them.

And by seeking, I’m not necessarily talking about flying to spend time with a lost tribe, although that’s one possibility. But the NEW lies in the smallest of places, and Jim mentioned. And we can forge new experiences right now by shifting our approach and framing situations intentionally.

We can challenge our view. Look at our motives. Take new actions. Discover the art of patience. There is a lot to discover.

Ok. That’s a lot of talking from me. Would anyone like to comment on this?

Geoffrey: If I get you right, then to have fun changing, we need to seek out the new.

MAGNES JACK: Well, yes. You will certainly have more fun with the new, because the new brings fear and fear brings challenge, and challenge brings a need for a strategy, and the strategy I’m suggesting is to have fun and learn.

When fear arises, then you have two generally approaches:

1. To fight through like walking through wet sand with a grimace on your face.
2. To dare yourself to have fun, prepare and do you very best and learn.

I’m suggesting, going with daring.

Now, Julian. You started this with your question about “the how” and there are many ways to answer this, but if we keep our focus the NEW, how does this relate to your estimation that you hadn’t really changed. Has their been much exposure to new experience in your life? At least, experiences of the kind that can really shake your bubble and generate the kind of change you are looking for?

Julian: If I’m honest – no. I’ve played it safe in general. And I can see that clearly. I generally feel afraid by real change. It’s an odd paradox. I want it, but I don’t.

MAGNES JACK: Julian, I think you have handed everyone a gift today with that. Because this strange paradox lies at the heart of many a desire for change, and sheds some light on why we regularly have a metaphorical foot on the break. The unknown is simply too much of a leap in the dark for most of us. So we pay it too much respect and become very cautious. That said, we all can start somewhere, and one man’s dangerous leap is another man’s walk in the park, so it is all quite specific to the individual.

We need a strategy to guide our actions. The intention of this strategy being to gain new experiences and so to learn, change and grow.

Now still, someone may ask, “But what?” What can I do that is new?”

And in that kind of statement we see the power of the status quo, and the power of our little bubble in maintaining it’s rule over our perception. We find we have fostered an attitude of the victim, who has little or no creativity left.

The best way to begin – always – is with a question.

Take any area of you life and ask, “What would be a step in a new direction?”

Whether it be your work, and project you had put off, a relationship, doing up your house, contacting friends…any area of your life, just ask yourself, “What would be a new step?”

Prepare for it and take it. Don’t expect anything other than to learn. There’s no need to expect failure or success. Only do your best and learn. That is the only requirement.

Afterwards, you take stock of where you are at now, look around you, sniff the air, check your feelings, and see what is drawing you now.

Julian, do you fancy taking on a little task today, to report back to us tomorrow?

Julian: [Looking a little worried] OK.

MAGNES JACK: Don’t worry, it’s not too scary! Julian, for the rest of today and through this evening, would you be willing to have a little fun with life and your desire to change for real. And this fun, will entail you choosing a new step for you, maybe in who you speak with, or how you speak with them, or maybe what you do or don’t speak about! It could be many things. So it is choosing something new with respect to interactions, and to have a new experience. Not to try to succeed or fail, but to enjoy the new, and whatever happens to learn. Would you do that, and let us know tomorrow what you found out?

Julian: Well, yes, I’ll certainly give it my best try.

MAGNES JACK: Excellent.

DAY ONE: AFTERNOON (III) – Susan

Susan: Magnes, could I pick up on your point about relationships, because I would definitely like to have more fun than I’m having at the moment!

MAGNES JACK: Sure Susan. Any particular relationship you want to explore here?

Susan: The relationship with my husband. We get on ok, but there are certain moments, flashpoints if you will, where he gets upset at me, or I get upset at him and the whole thing simmers for days. And no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get to the bottom of it.

MAGNES JACK: Susan, I’m about to ask you a very odd question, but I’m asking it because I think it might help people to understand a little bit more about the role of fun in relationships.

The question is this: Have you ever considered having some fun with these flashpoints?

Susan: Fun?

MAGNES JACK: I take that as a “No”. [Laughing]

Susan: A definite “No”. Usually, it gets very heavy, very quickly, like BOOM! And then, we are in Crapsville, Arizona.

MAGNES JACK: Right. Now, first of all, notice how radical it is to even entertain having fun with something so “serious” as a close relationship. It’s almost taboo!

Well, ok, here is a way you can have some fun. Actually, a little background first. When it comes to relationships, particularly close one’s; we think we know each other so well, that the interactions can even feel programmed: I say this, you say that and so on.

It reminds me, in fact, of the old philosophical story around being in a boat on a boating lake. And you are paddling along, when out of nowhere, another boat hits you. THUD. You look up and see someone in the other boat and you get angry at them, “What the **** are you playing at?”

Now, imagine that when the boat hits, you look up and there’s no one in the boat. It’s an empty boat. Would you get angry just the same? No. Why not?

So, just let that one simmer in the background…and let’s get back to relationships and having fun with heavy situations. Things recur because we are so fixed in the way we see things. So, to have some fun we need to shake up what we are seeing.

How? Fluid-framing. In this case, what we can do is speak with our partner as if they were a complete stranger, of whom we knew nothing, or perhaps very little.

That being the case, we can make no assumptions at all about what they meant, or how they took our statements. Nor do we have any history of reacting to them. Having no assumptions, all we can do is ask questions to find out.

And the important aspect is the way in which we ask the questions, the tone of it. Rather than the somewhat accusatory tone, which comes from making assumptions about motive.

I would recommend it, for sure.

What do you think Susan? Would you be willing to have some fun and give it a go?

Susan: Oh, definitely. I can see actually how we spark each other off. It is really so predictable.

MAGNES JACK: That’s right. We really need to blast that predictability out of the water by having some fun and challenging our current stuck view of things. Seeing a partner as a complete stranger is a great way of doing this.

My hope is that you will discover something new about him, and in so doing; he will discover something new about you too, that was not at all expected. From such fruitful beginnings, a new relationship can come about. But we all need to be sensitive to where we are at.

Susan: Thank you Magnes.

MAGNES JACK: No problem. Have some fun for goodness sake. The world is serious enough as it is.

DAY ONE: AFTERNOON (III) – Bill

“WELCOME BACK! HOPE YOU HAD AN ENJOYABLE LUNCH. This session will take us up to 5pm with a break for tea and coffee in between. Ok. Let’s welcome back, MAGNES JACK.”

MAGNES JACK: Thank you! Good to see you all looking so sated and sleepy. [Laughing] Where shall we go next?

Bill: Hi Magnes. Magnes, I’ve really enjoyed today, but I want to say that I still have this niggling feeling that having fun is somewhat frivolous. And this goes back to the “heavy-duty” comment earlier. Could you talk around your own definition of what it means to have fun changing?

MAGNES JACK: Thank you for the question Bill. And it’s an excellent one. Many people say that having fun is childish. Yet, I would say that having fun is to bring back the child-like wonder at the world, the mystery of it, the mystery of you. You with me?

Mystery seems to have had a bad press. Mystery is a pre-requisite for having fun. Where there is no mystery, where is the fun?

It is curious to me that as we apparently grow up and become adults we lose this sense of mystery and everything needs to make sense. Think about the word “adulterated”, which means to make impure by adding extraneous, improper, or inferior ingredients.

That is very much what happens as we move from child to adult. We take on so much stuff from other people, and this stuff forms our VR bubble and from then on all we see is the world mediated thorough this stuff.

As children, our bubbles were much more like clear windscreens, but then we kept covering it with wallpaper and posters with statements on it like, “Don’t walk on the grass”, Don’t ask awkward questions” and the like.

So, by placing fun, back at the heart of the matter, I am saying “have fun with what is in your VR Bubble. The world you see is not real, so have some fun! Grow, learn, make friends, have a picnic!”

To an extent, we have engineered ourselves against change, and therefore change has become a struggle, but what I’m saying is to look at how you see that word “struggle”.

We are back to the bubble again. Is it possible, do you think, that you might – with a spot of fluid framing – see this struggle as a fun thing to participate in? Could that happen?

And by fun, I don’t mean smiles plastered on face all the time, I mean that you are engaged, challenged, taking part, getting knocked down and getting back up again, enjoying the battle; seeing life as something to be savoured not devoured! [Laughs]

It’s all in the framing and the approach. And this itself is a matter of intent.

Let’s say you really want to change the way your relationship is going, what you do depends on what? On how you see it and your approach. If you see that anything you say will be taken a certain way, then it probably will. Then, you might see that your response to anything you don’t like is to be irritated, but what if you chose to have some fun and enjoy a different response?

What if, when your wife lambastes you, you laugh and say, “You’ve got a point there! Let’s look at it.” And she might be knocked off her seat that you’ve not done the same-old reaction she normally gets, and suddenly you’re not in Kansas anymore with that conversation.

Can you see how this is a lot more involving than some trivial or frivolous, perhaps shallow, approach?

Fun is deep. It is seriousness that is shallow. Seriousness thinks it already knows and so why question. It already knows your response and it’s own reaction. It’s all about protection and defence. Very little new learning goes on.

Fun, on the other hand, is about challenging what appears to be real. It is about seeing new possibilities and daring to try them out. It is about engaging with people when you don’t quite know what will happen. To an extent, it is a tightrope walk. Which is fun, and dangerous.

Having fun is dangerous, amongst many other things.

Bill, has that answered you in any way?

Bill: Yes, indeed. I can see that you are passionate about fun, but that fun is much more – in the way you are using it – than the word commonly means.

MAGNES JACK: Yes, indeed. We are looking at fun in its depth, and also it’s scope. Vertical and horizontal. Thank you Bill.

DAY ONE: MORNING (II) – Karen

Karen: Could I ask a question about struggle? [MAGNES JACK: Sure.] Ok. Well, earlier you talked about how most people find change a struggle and that is certainly my experience, but how does fun fit in with this?

MAGNES JACK: Thanks Karen. Would you have an example you could share?

Karen: Well, for example, I have wanted to run my own coaching business for years now, and I feel I am really good at what I do, but my business never seems to get anywhere, and I do all the things you’re supposed to do but it just never happens. And I struggle to see what it is I am supposed to do.

MAGNES JACK: Well, in respect of a business, things are quite simple when you get down to it – if no one if buying your product, then you need to look at the product and who you want to sell it to. It really is that simple. And if you find that your product meets a certain need, then you need to bring that product to those people with that need. I mean, you probably know all this, so perhaps this is not what you are struggling with.

Karen: Actually, yes, I do know that, but I wonder sometimes whether I am kidding myself that I am doing the right things, when actually I’m not. For example, my contact list if really small, and so is it any wonder that I don’t get many bites as it were.

MAGNES JACK: Ah, ok. Well, let’s stand back a little bit and look at the approach. How would you characterise your approach to growing your business?

Karen; A bit scattergun! [Laughs]

MAGNES JACK: Right, great; so that is something you would like to change. To make more effective.

Karen: Yes.

MAGNES JACK: Ok. Now, you are an intelligent lady, and I am wondering how you manage to stop yourself from being the inevitable success waiting to happen, that you are?

Karen: Me, too!

MAGNES JACK: Do you have any clues?

Karen: I think I’m stubborn and basically, want it all on a plate somehow.

MAGNES JACK: Ok. That’s fine. Now, we’ve been looking at having some fun with life. Yes? And fun is extremely underestimated. Particularly, in business. So, if you could have a lot of fun growing your business, would that be of interest to you?

Karen: Oh, absolutely!

MAGNES JACK: Well, then, that’s just fine, because you know that growing your business will mean that you will be getting “out there” – as it were – and putting your message out, and talking to people, media and so on, which can all be scary, and some things will work, and other things will be a disaster [laughs] – and my point is that we either have some fun with this, or we get very serious and heavy about it.

My suggestion is that you learn about having fun by, for example:

1. Setting some fun targets for growing your business.
2. Taking some fun risks.
3. Framing phone calls and email in a fun way so that you can enjoy them whatever happens.
4. Seeing the funny side when things don’t go to plan.
5. Having fun being creative and hugely productive – write a book in a day!

You see where I’m coming from?

Karen: Yes, very much so. In fact, listening to you I can see how I’ve got into some serious ruts about this and ended up fretting too much on my message and not really daring to get out there.

MAGNES JACK: That’s right and daring is such fun too!

Now you mentioned struggle, and I’d like to share with you a little story. It’s not mind shattering or incredible or something you will want to tell everyone, it’s a very quiet story, but for me, it says everything about the human capacity for change.

There is a man in my village. He’s a nice guy, perhaps in his early sixties. Has worked all his life. He has a lovely family and grandchildren. This man was a regular down the pub. He smoked and drank and was just a lovely old pub character.

Then, out of the blue, he had a heart attack. The doctor said to him, “You cannot go on like this if you want to live.” Simple as that. Now apart from the odd game of golf, exercise was not at the forefront of this man’s head, believe me.

But what he did, he bought a bike, a mountain bike. And he set his mind to ride this bike every single day. Clearly, this man dearly loved his family and didn’t want to miss being with them. So he began.

He just began.

And I love the simplicity of that. He began. And there was a force behind that beginning.

He began and at the start he wasn’t very good and couldn’t go very far. His technique was far from elegant and he looked like the last person you would see on a bike.

That was 10 years ago, and yesterday, he cycled by the window on his mountain bike, with his helmet and bright outfit to be seen, and he looks perfectly at home on that bike, and this was 7.30am and he was on his way back from a ride along the valley.

What I find inspiring about this story is that he just began, in a quiet way, and each day, set out to get a little better, and a little better.

And to look on his face, he enjoys every minute.

Now, this might have something to say to you about your business – only you know that – so there it is.

Karen: Thank you, I get it.

MAGNES JACK: Good. So we expect great things from you Karen in the coming months, having fun, little by little.

Karen: I hope so.

MAGNES JACK: Just don’t allow the heaviness to creep back. If it does, give yourself a shake and get back to daring.

Karen: [Laughing] I shall!

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“Ok, everyone! Thank you for your attention this morning. It’s time for lunch, so have a great lunchtime, and we’ll be back at 2pm.”

DAY ONE: MORNING (II) – Craig

Craig: Magnes, hello. [MAGNES JACK: Hello Craig.] I’ve really enjoyed this morning, and can certainly feel things loosening up for me. [MAGNES JACK: Nods]. So what I want to ask is about self-esteem. Why is this such a difficult nut to crack?

MAGNES JACK: Well Craig, would you be able to share with us your experiences with this?

Craig: Sure. Without going into all the gruesome details, I think it started at school with being bullied and so on. I don’t know, it just seems that I got it into my head that I’m no good, or something. I just don’t feel like I deserve anything, or anyone. Sort of closed off somehow. I see other people and I would just love to be like them, they seem to really enjoy life, and it’s like another planet to me; a planet that I just cannot reach, no matter how hard I try.

MAGNES JACK: Craig, thank you for that. It’s helps a great deal. Craig, I would imagine that you would just like to flick a switch and have the esteem for yourself that you’ve always yearned for.

Craig: That would be good! [Smiling]

MAGNES JACK: It would. These days, we tend to want short cuts, for everything. Learn a language in 5 minutes a day! We want the result and we want it now. Can you imagine if a flower did that? From seed to bloom – BOOM! Then, as quick as a flash, from bloom to frazzled – BOOM!

We really need to slow down to speed up. When you think about anything that you have done in your life, you will find that it began in a small and simple way.

It might have been a decision, or an action; maybe you saw something that inspired you?

That seed contained within it the potential for the ensuing journey.

That never ceases to amaze me. Or as Neils Bohr put it, the seed was the aperture through which nature formed the tree; the seed was the patterning device as it were.

Now, how does all this fit with self-esteem?

Well, like this. Self-esteem starts very quietly indeed. What you do, is you take some aspect of yourself that you like, and you cherish it, you enjoy it, you treasure it, take pleasure in it.

The good feeling you get from this begin to spread.

Soon you notice other aspects you like too, and you take pleasure in those.

With patience, and no small amount of fun, you nurture within yourself a real genuine love for yourself, the things you like and the things you don’t like.

Even the fact that you are not perfect, you learn to like. You might even learn to like being a little shy, because that doesn’t stop you having fun discovering what it’s like to be a little bold!

Craig, is this helping in some way?

Craig: Yes, it is. Though I think it will be tough to find anything that I like about me right now.

MAGNES JACK: What about your courage to speak in a seminar?

Craig: [Smiles] Well, yes, ok, I suppose I could start there.

MAGNES JACK: Why not start there, and don’t stop.

Craig, just make a start, and enjoy the process of finding out, and learning to experience the enjoyment of your own company.

Will you let us know how you get on?

Craig: I shall indeed.

MAGNES JACK: Thank you! Have fun.

Marianne: Magnes, may I come in here?

MAGNES JACK: Sure, Marianne.

Marianne: That was a good example. Because self-esteem is such a complex problem, and one that is fiendishly difficult to get sustainable results with. Do you honestly think that Craig will now find the self-esteem he is looking for?

MAGNES JACK: Well, let’s ask Craig shall we.

Craig, would you mind giving us your sense of where you are at right now with this and please do share you feelings about it.

Craig: I feel a little funny right now. Because for some curious reason, I do feel good about myself right now. Will that last? I don’t really know. But I am willing to give it a go, and I like the notion of doing this a piece at a time. I had been a bit freaked by it, but I realise that that is a bit of an over-reaction really.

MAGNES JACK: Ok, thank you Craig.

Marianne, does that answer your question at all?

Marianne: In a way. I suppose I’m looking for evidence of real results.

MAGNES JACK: Real or instant? [Smiling]

Marianne: Well, real, but I take your point.

MAGNES JACK: C’mon Marianne, take a break and smell the coffee; the real coffee, that takes time to prepare, make and savour. Not that instant stuff that tastes of plastic. Ok, thank you.

DAY ONE: MORNING (II) – Marianne

Marianne: Magnes – it’s Marianne. [MAGNES JACK: Pleased to meet you.] Magnes, I know it’s only the first morning but I am truly puzzled by what I am seeing so far.

MAGNES JACK: Oh, good.

Marianne: Well, actually, it’s not very good for me. [Laughing] Because I really want to understand what is going on here.

Already I have seen people presenting you with a variety of issues, which are potentially very tricky issues. And in minutes, there are smiling and seem to have set themselves on a new path. And yet, I have listened intently to what you have been saying, but I can’t find the magic word. [Laughing]

Can you help me out here?

MAGNES JACK: Probably not. Because there is no magic word. It may seem like a cliché, but the magic, the real magic lies inside each and every one of us, and all we are doing, in a nutshell, is:

1. Highlighting the ways in which we stop ourselves.
2. Encouragement to have some fun and find out.

Now I know that is simple, perhaps too simple for some, but it is a truism that the most powerful things tend to be those that are over-looked.

You see, we look for love in all the wrong places, and we do the same with magic. We look out there and we look for complexity, but in our VR Bubble, we have been told many times, that complex things are what clever people come up with and clever people must have it right.

If that were the case, the suicide rate and level of alcoholism amongst doctors wouldn’t be what it is.

So, Marianne, what I am presenting is not rocket science, for sure, but at the same time, one ounce can power a lot of rockets. You get me?

Marianne: Yes and no. I still have an Emperor’s New Clothes feeling.

MAGNES JACK: Oh, you think I’m a fraud?

Marianne: Well, not as such.

MAGNES JACK: But you decided to pay to find out?

Marianne: I just wanted to learn some new tricks I guess, and the thing is, I can’t decide whether your clothes are fine, or not even there.
MAGNES JACK: Marianne, well let me help you. They are both.

If you had been listening along, you would have heard about the VR Bubble. Yes? And that bubble means that you don’t see me, but a version of me; actually the version of me that most fits with your expectations.

So everything you see is true for you and that is fine and dandy.

I also cannot claim to be any other than I am, and only hope to be judged by the effects on those who I work with, but remember also, that this has very little to do with me. At best, I am a Sat Nav of the Soul. I can point out to people their beauty, and encourage them to have some fun finding out more. I cannot and will not force them to do anything they don’t wish to do.

And so, all I can say to you really, is to apply what you hear to yourself first, and see if it works. Though be very careful now, because it is already set up, or framed, such that if it works well, then I am ok and you maybe wrong, and vice versa.

Be assured Marianne that I only want you, and everyone else here, to be more of who they truly are, and to find ways to express that, which are fun and joyful.

Marianne: Ok. Thank you.

MAGNES JACK: And if you do hear the Magic Word, be sure to tell me afterwards! For I would love to know what it is! [Laughing].

DAY ONE: MORNING (II) – Brian

“HOPE YOU HAD A NICE BREAK. This session will take us up to lunchtime, so enjoy every minute. May I welcome back to the stage, MAGNES JACK.”

MAGNES JACK: Ok. Now you’re all hazy with tea and coffee and cakes, this should be a most left-field session. Who wants to start? And remember the theme – “Feel the fun and do it your way!”

Brian: So far, all I have got of any practical use is about framing things for fun. Is that it?

MAGNES JACK: Well, before we do anything else, have you mastered that?

Brian: Sure. Framing is easy. I frame things for fun all the time.

MAGNES JACK: Great. So what are you doing here?

Brian: I was hoping for more.

MAGNES JACK: More what?

Brian: More ways to change, quicker ways to change.

MAGNES JACK: Brian, are you saying you are running out of tools or that the tools you have are not enough?

Brian: I suppose I want more tools. The one’s I have work, and they are “Ok!” but…

MAGNES JACK: But what…?

Brian: I want more.

MAGNES JACK: We’re in danger of looping the loop here. [Smiling] Ok, Brian, if you had more, how might you know you had it? Would you be feeling different, acting different, doing amazing new things, would other people be different around you? Would you share with us your inklings on this?

Brian: I suppose I would have a great deal more energy for life. I mean, don’t get me wrong, things are fine, but I just feel there is more, and that is the word that keeps doing the rounds for me.

MAGNES JACK: Ok. I’m with you. You want more and one of the characteristics of this is that you would feel more “energy for life”, as you put it, compared with now.

Brian: Yes, basically.

MAGNES JACK: Brian, did it ever occur to you that you could simply have more “energy for life” without waiting for a new tool, or technique. That you already have this 100% within you.

Brian: If I’m honest, yes, I can feel it, but getting it out?

MAGNES JACK: Brian, thank you for being so honest, because once again, just as earlier, you have provided us with a beautiful example of wanting to experience X, but believing that Y must be in place first, and that without Y, X is impossible. And in this virtual world, such a construction does indeed make X impossible. We make SELF-STOPPING RULES like this all the time.

SELF-STOPPING RULES
Quite simply, self-stopping rules are constructions that we follow to not get what we want or need. Bizarre, but true. They are very effective indeed, and if not addressed, can last not only a lifetime, but can be passed on to succeeding generations.

MAGNES JACK: I am fortunate Brian, in that I can see you in a way that you can’t possibly see yourself. I see someone who longs out to feel more “energy for life”, and who can already feel the glimmers, the seeds, of what that might be like. The seeds are there Brian. And they are waiting patiently. But you are afraid.

Only last week, I was watching the Olympics and they were interviewing a pentathlon athlete and asking her how she prepared mentally. She said something very interesting in this regard. She said that she always saw herself making the perfect performance. She saw herself doing the very best she could in each discipline. The presenter asked her why, and she said that in this way she wouldn’t be surprised when she did brilliantly, and it wouldn’t affect the next discipline.

Can you see Brian, how you are framing this desire of yours?

Brian: Not really, if I’m honest.

MAGNES JACK: Anyone else like to comment on the framing?

Stephen: Hi. Is it that Brian is making feeling “energy for life” a really difficult, almost impossible task, which is only accessible via some almost magical tool?

MAGNES JACK: Very good! And what does that imply? That he needs this magical tool?

Stephen: That he somehow doesn’t already have it within him?

MAGNES JACK: Absolutely! Yes. And if he doesn’t have it within him, then it’s always going to be a struggle isn’t it. It is almost a foreign body as it were.

Brian, does this help in some way?

Brian: A little. The cogs are moving. [Smiling] So are you saying that I haven’t really accepted that I already have this within me?

MAGNES JACK: Well, yes, that’s one aspect. But then, what is stopping you from seeing this beautiful capacity just waiting to be given the nod?

Brian: Nothing really.

MAGNES JACK: Well, perhaps. But would you be willing to have some fun finding out?

Brian: I most certainly would!

MAGNES JACK: Ok. Your project then, for the rest of the day, is to allow your natural energy for life to spring through, and as you do so, to have some fun learning how to shape and manage that in your interactions and as you go about life. Deal?

Brian: Deal!

MAGNES JACK: Great. Let us know how you get on won’t you.

Brian: I most certainly shall. [Beaming]

DAY ONE: MORNING (I) – Interval

MAGNES JACK: By the way, whilst today is a general free for all within the context of “Feel the fun and do it your way” and personal change, tomorrow will be more around developing your dreams of what you want to bring to the world, and the last day about making those dreams come true.

Because, for most of us, we don’t want to change for no reason; we want to change because we want to bring something about, and that something requires that we have more capacity to do, than at present.

We’re going to have a morning break now, so we’ll see you back here in 20 minutes.