DAY ONE: AFTERNOON (IV) – Alan

MAGNES JACK: Ok. Is there anyone with a burning question that they would like to ask today?

Alan: Yes! [MAGNES JACK: Great.] It’s about fear. I know we’re talked about fear earlier on, but I find that I just feel a tremendous resistance to doing what I need to, almost a refusal. Which is bizarre because I really want to do well, but if I look back at the results I’m getting, they are just not there, and I can see that I am just pulling back on so many fronts – it does my head in!

As you say, we are remarkable, but tapping that potential I am finding so tremendously difficult. It’s like my demons have more up their sleeve than I do. I can’t seem to outwit them.

For example, I have trained to do hypnotherapy, and want to start up my own business, but I am terrified, and I take steps but I just know they are tentative steps because of the fear.

Ideally, I would just like to rid of the fear!

MAGNES JACK: Alan, good to meet you. Yes, if fear would just go away, then think what we could do.

I could dress this up in lots of ways, but here are the facts of the matter, fear will always be there, so rather than wish fear away, put your focus on how you can move your dream forward with fear as your challenge.

Tomorrow, we’ll be looking a lot at dreams, so this is an excellent example to start to think about fear.

How can we best approach this?

Well, we need to be clear what we are dealing with. Then, we need a structure in place, so that every single day, we can meet this actively meet this challenge and grow from it. Finally, we need a consistent approach to handling fear.

So, to sum up:

1. Enough Clarity
2. Formal Structure and,
3. Fun and Exciting Approach.

By enough clarity, I mean that we can get too obsessed by knowing everything before we act on it. Clarity can become an excuse for inaction. So we need enough to know what we are facing, and then our actions will give us the experiences we need to gain further clarity and learning.

The structure is important, because it’s very easy to leave it a day, and then a week – but if we really want to do this, then a strong, almost formal structure is tremendously supporting in keeping us on track. Clearly, the simpler this is to follow, the better. Any complexity, just provide more food for rationalising inaction.

The journal is the simplest and most powerful structure I know of, and would heartily recommend.

Finally, the approach we take will determine to some extent our desire to act. Because if it feels difficult and horrible to do, we probably won’t! So we need to make it fun and exciting. The more exciting the better!

So, Alan, do you want to briefly walk through this?

Alan: Yes, love to!

MAGNES JACK: Ok. Well let’s begin with having enough clarity.

Are you clear what it is that has stopped you setting your business up?

Alan: To be honest, I’m afraid that I won’t be good enough, and perhaps I don’t want to be found out!

MAGNES JACK: Ok. Let’s put this in the context of your clients. So, if you first client comes along and you are unable to help them in some way, will that not be good enough? Will you just shut up shop?

Alan: [Laughing] I don’t suppose I can expect to be brilliant right from the off. I suppose I’ll just have to do my best and see what happens.

MAGNES JACK: Ok. So you’re fairly clear that it’s a fear of not being good enough and being found out.

Alan: Yes.

MAGNES JACK: So does that feel like you have enough clarity to decide how to move forward with this?

Alan: Yes. I mean I don’t know what at the moment, but at least I know where I’m at. Of course, I wish it were different. I wish I was as confident as others on the course who just seem to sail into business. But, I guess, I’m not.

MAGNES JACK: “You guess you’re not?” Are you unsure now? Alan, can you see how already you are backing away a little from saying, “Yes, I have enough clarity to move forward.” Now, I’m not saying this to have a go, because I have been in the same place a thousand times. I just wanted to make sure you could see it.

Alan: Yes, I do. It’s not pretty is it? Almost a reflex action!

MAGNES JACK: That’s exactly it – a reflex action.

Let’s move on to formal structure. All I can say on this Alan, is that for you to put this in place, so that every day, you have an opportunity to move forward with this. Will you do that?

Alan: [Nods] Yes.

MAGNES JACK: Great. So tomorrow morning, visit this again; and the day after. Just as a matter of course. It’s just part of your day.

Last but not least, let’s look at the approach, which I’m saying helps if it’s fun and exciting too!

So, Alan, in the context of your business, your job is to set up some really fun and exciting business targets for next week; these targets should be so exciting as to give the fear a run for it’s money! You with me?

Alan: Ah, I see. Yes. Something that will really energise me!

MAGNES JACK: Sure. Get the juices going. Life is energy after all.

Do you have something in mind?

Alan: Well, I could start to look for premises. That’s one thing I’ve been putting off.

MAGNES JACK: Great. Is that exciting?

Alan: So, so. [Laughing]

MAGNES JACK: Whose winning – fear or fun?

Alan: Fear at the moment.

MAGNES JACK: Ok, so how can you make this even more fun?

Alan: What just came to me is how great it will be to actually go and visit these premises – to visualise what my practise will be like – now that is exciting!

MAGNES JACK: Great! So the fun is winning now.

Alan: Oh, yes! Hey, I get it!

MAGNES JACK: [Laughing] Well, hopefully you will take some more with you!!!

Alan: No, seriously. That’s fantastic. I really feel like I know what I need to do now. The penny’s dropped!

MAGNES JACK: Terrific. Well, have fun!

Alan: Oh, I will.

DAY ONE: MORNING (I) – Jonathan

Jonathan: Magnes, can I ask you about the title of this seminar, which is not unlike a certain popular book, “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. Presumably, you chose it as some sort of comment on that.

MAGNES JACK: Hello Jonathan. Good question. I do remember reading that book years ago, and if I am truthful I never really got through it. I have heard from several people that it made a tremendous difference in their lives so it was clearly an excellent book for some.

When I was planning to do this seminar and put the focus on having fun changing, I was wondering what to call it. I decided on this for no other reason than it popped into my head and felt right. It provided an interesting counterpoint to fear.

If I understand the message of the book, it is to not let fear stop you acting, but to allow it, to experience the fear, and to continue to act anyway. This is great advice. No question. Because the more you act whilst experiencing fear, the more you understand what fear is about, and the less it can prevent you from taking action.

So I have no problem with the message, but I wanted to bring forward a different approach, which is to say, there are more ways to look at change other than “overcoming fear”.

Fear will always be there, but our approach to it can be enjoyable. You may not think that joy and fear go together, but they can quite nicely.

It all comes down to focus. Typically, someone wants to do X. And they are afraid to going down the X path. They may be afraid of many different things: of failing, of succeeding, of looking stupid, of being exposed as a fraud. Some will turn back immediately at the mere thought of it, and some more hardy creatures, take steps along the path. But it’s hard. Boy, is it hard.

There are two main reasons it is so hard:

1. The way it is framed.
2. The approach.

It is commonly framed as “over-coming fear”. Doesn’t exactly make you want to run towards it does it. And the approach is one of “determined struggle”.

Now again, I have nothing against over-coming fear or determined struggles, but there are other possibilities, and they begin by shifting the focus, and shifting the focus begins by asking a different question.

A question such as:

How might I go about really enjoying this challenge?

And you might say, “Enjoy? I’m crapping myself!” And I might say, “That’s fine! You can crap yourself and enjoy it too! What would make it fun for you?”

Eventually, you would find a way.

You have to remember that conditional fear, as opposed to animal fear or fear of the unknown, is based on an illusion, and this illusion resides in your version of things, which we already know is not real, but yet seems like it is.

So when we frame a change as “overcoming fear” we are really accepting that our version is actually true, which is false.

I hope you’re all following this! [Laughing] An exam will follow later.

This frame then, only embeds the notion that the illusion we are under is true. This is not to say that it doesn’t exist. It does. But not where we think it exists, out there in the real world. It exists only in our version, our own little VR (Virtual Reality) Bubble.

When we take a fun approach to this, we are acknowledging that our battle is not with something out there in the world, but something in here, in our VR Bubble.

And the fact that this made up thing is having such a real world effect on us is funny, when you think about it.

I mean we watch films, and we may get scared, but we leave the cinema and all is well. It was just a film. It was just a version. An illusion.

But when it comes to ourselves, we are convinced that our film is true. My God, Lassie can talk! For real. It’s funny to even consider that we would believe that to be true and act on it. Yet we act on the illusions on our own VR bubble every single day.

You see, once we frame it a new way, say – to prepare to enjoy the experience – whatever happens! – then this informs our actions and experience.

Jonathan, does that get anywhere near a satisfactory response for you?

Jonathan: Yes, it does. I was under the illusion [smiling] that you had chosen it as a put down on the fear book, but my new illusion is that you are more advocating a different approach to handling fear – a more fun way.

MAGNES JACK: I couldn’t have put it better myself. Fear is not going away. You just get to handle it better. And I have found that more people will do that if they are given the prospect of having fun in the process. This is the ultimate payoff. If we can make change fun, then more people will. Fear is scary, it puts people off. And other than saying that they should take “baby steps” (which makes me cringe whenever I hear it), we haven’t really done people a great service as yet – in my opinion.

Jonathan: Thank you.

MAGNES JACK: You’re welcome.