DAY ONE: AFTERNOON (III) – Fundamental/Various

MAGNES JACK: I’d just like to spend a few minutes on a very fundamental rule when it’s comes to having fun.

Let me ask you this:

How do you see yourself today,
as compared to yesterday?

Anyone like to share?

Julian: Well, I actually feel a great deal different today than yesterday. I feel a lot lighter somehow. Had you asked me this yesterday, I would have said, “Pretty much the same.”

MAGNES JACK: Thank you Julian, and why would that have been?

Julian: I don’t know. I just don’t feel I’ve changed within myself much for a long time.

MAGNES JACK: And would you like to?

Julian: Sure! That is one of the reasons for me being here.

MAGNES JACK: Ok. So is it more that you’re not sure how to go about it, or that you do, but somehow manage to get in your own way.

Julian: I think it’s knowing the “how”. If I knew how, then at least I could have something to work with.

MAGNES JACK: Great. Well put. So, Julian has made a very good point there, about knowing the how. So let’s look at that directly. Because when we talk about change, we are really talking about a change in our perception of ourselves – that is all that ever really changes.

So, here’s the question:

“What kind of things bring about
a change in how we see ourselves?”

Anyone?

Mary: For me, it’s when I achieve something really significant.

MAGNES JACK: Yes, that can really have an impact. Anything else?

Joe: Sometimes it can be something as small as a comment that someone makes which really changes the way you see yourself.

MAGNES JACK: Thank Joe. Would you have an example?

Joe: Oh, like my English teacher. Out of nowhere he said, “Joe, you have a first class imagination.” And I was stunned. Something just changed within me from that moment on.

MAGNES JACK: Great! I love that: “I was stunned.” When someone we admire tells us something like that which has the force of truth in it, our bubble undergoes a re-configuration. Somehow, it needs to slot in “first class imagination” in there; which will have quite an impact and ripple effect on everything else too!

Thanks Joe. That’s the power of words.

Anything else?

Karen: For me, I get to the point where I just have to change. I have no choice if you like. The prospect of not changing is just too horrible, so I force myself to.

MAGNES JACK: Great point. Yes! Like the story of the man on the bike. Lovely! Anything else?

Jim: When I think of things that have really shifted stuff for me, it has been seeing things that literally shock my world. Travel, for instance, can certainly broaden the mind. Seeing a new invention even can create a sense of possibility that wasn’t there before.

On the other hand, this can be negative, if say something bad happens in a particular situation then I tend to associate those things together, so I can learn new patterns very easily, if they really stand out.

MAGNES JACK: Thanks Jim. And a good point about the negative too. Change works both ways.

Ok. Thanks you for the examples. What I wanted to illustrate is that at a fundamental level, change comes about by our experience of the NEW.

I like to think of it as the Land of the New. And when we travel to that land, it is unknown, and the therefore a great deal of fear comes up. Also, the further we travel into the Land of the New, the more significant is the experience, and the most affecting it is on how we see ourselves.

Now, I’m not suggesting we all go and do this, but it was very interesting watching a documentary recently about an English lady spending a month in a tribe which has had very little contact with the outside world. These people came back utterly changed by the experience. Everyone around them having such a radically different view of things, a different bubble, and so in time, her’s began to crack and let in a new kind of light. It was very heart-warming actually. This one tribal elder was quite interested in this new lady, but she just “saw” him as very sweet, but not her type in a hundred and one ways. But by the end of her time, he was deeply in her heart, and although in her head, she had to go, she took much of the tribal feeling with her.

So we have this basic rule, or observation, that to change how we see ourselves (which is what change is all about) we require new experiences and the stranger the better, in terms of the impact.

If we are going to expose ourselves to new experiences then we either sit on our arse and wait for them to knock on the door, and so they will, although the knocks get less when the door isn’t answered; or, we go seeking for them.

And by seeking, I’m not necessarily talking about flying to spend time with a lost tribe, although that’s one possibility. But the NEW lies in the smallest of places, and Jim mentioned. And we can forge new experiences right now by shifting our approach and framing situations intentionally.

We can challenge our view. Look at our motives. Take new actions. Discover the art of patience. There is a lot to discover.

Ok. That’s a lot of talking from me. Would anyone like to comment on this?

Geoffrey: If I get you right, then to have fun changing, we need to seek out the new.

MAGNES JACK: Well, yes. You will certainly have more fun with the new, because the new brings fear and fear brings challenge, and challenge brings a need for a strategy, and the strategy I’m suggesting is to have fun and learn.

When fear arises, then you have two generally approaches:

1. To fight through like walking through wet sand with a grimace on your face.
2. To dare yourself to have fun, prepare and do you very best and learn.

I’m suggesting, going with daring.

Now, Julian. You started this with your question about “the how” and there are many ways to answer this, but if we keep our focus the NEW, how does this relate to your estimation that you hadn’t really changed. Has their been much exposure to new experience in your life? At least, experiences of the kind that can really shake your bubble and generate the kind of change you are looking for?

Julian: If I’m honest – no. I’ve played it safe in general. And I can see that clearly. I generally feel afraid by real change. It’s an odd paradox. I want it, but I don’t.

MAGNES JACK: Julian, I think you have handed everyone a gift today with that. Because this strange paradox lies at the heart of many a desire for change, and sheds some light on why we regularly have a metaphorical foot on the break. The unknown is simply too much of a leap in the dark for most of us. So we pay it too much respect and become very cautious. That said, we all can start somewhere, and one man’s dangerous leap is another man’s walk in the park, so it is all quite specific to the individual.

We need a strategy to guide our actions. The intention of this strategy being to gain new experiences and so to learn, change and grow.

Now still, someone may ask, “But what?” What can I do that is new?”

And in that kind of statement we see the power of the status quo, and the power of our little bubble in maintaining it’s rule over our perception. We find we have fostered an attitude of the victim, who has little or no creativity left.

The best way to begin – always – is with a question.

Take any area of you life and ask, “What would be a step in a new direction?”

Whether it be your work, and project you had put off, a relationship, doing up your house, contacting friends…any area of your life, just ask yourself, “What would be a new step?”

Prepare for it and take it. Don’t expect anything other than to learn. There’s no need to expect failure or success. Only do your best and learn. That is the only requirement.

Afterwards, you take stock of where you are at now, look around you, sniff the air, check your feelings, and see what is drawing you now.

Julian, do you fancy taking on a little task today, to report back to us tomorrow?

Julian: [Looking a little worried] OK.

MAGNES JACK: Don’t worry, it’s not too scary! Julian, for the rest of today and through this evening, would you be willing to have a little fun with life and your desire to change for real. And this fun, will entail you choosing a new step for you, maybe in who you speak with, or how you speak with them, or maybe what you do or don’t speak about! It could be many things. So it is choosing something new with respect to interactions, and to have a new experience. Not to try to succeed or fail, but to enjoy the new, and whatever happens to learn. Would you do that, and let us know tomorrow what you found out?

Julian: Well, yes, I’ll certainly give it my best try.

MAGNES JACK: Excellent.